God Bless Vanity and My Fat Ass
God bless vanity and my fat ass.
For this is how I found love that will always last.
Through the thick and thin of my ever changing size
I found Light behind the ego’s disguise.
Whoa. That is A LOT of rhyming.
Here is how it really went down.
Every time I tried to diet I got fatter. The fatter I got. The harder I tried. And the harder I tried the more anxiety, more depression, more alone and hopeless I felt. Until. Somebody along the way told me if I raised my awareness, and found happiness, I would lose weight.
WAIT A MINUTE! Was it possible that I could self help my thighs into a smaller size?!? Sign me up, Sister cause dieting was not working. I was ready to find my happy. And I was motivated.
Everyday, all day I thought about how I was feeling. Was I happy? Did I feel good? How could I feel better? Come on baby. Let’s.Feel.Awesome. Because awesome = skinny. AND I WANT TO BE SKINNY.
When I investigated how I was feeling, whatever the answer was I leaned in a little further to ask how could I take one tiny step toward feeling even better? How could I be more present?
Feel better. Find peace. Feel better. Find peace. And...
Holy smokes. I actually started to feel better.
And the better I felt the more intentional I became on how I wanted to feel. And the more intentional I became about my feelings the more taken care of I felt. And when I felt taken care of I felt safe and relaxed into me and kinda started to like myself. AND the more I liked myself…. Drum roll please. The smaller my size.
But the best part was. I didn’t even care anymore. I thought my ah-mazing-ness was just a given. Regardless of my weight, my relationship status, my bank account, or my job title.
I ooozed OKness with myself.
When I let go of the outer world controls and focused only on how I was FEELING…. Well, all be darned.
Vanity really did lead me to a smaller version of my beloved fat ass. But even better -- it led me to ME.
...and who wouldn't thank God for that?!
Know another Sister who can relate?! Please share with her. xxoo